hootOS

Tribute to a Real One.

the ebb and flow of life pushes and pulls at people. struggles come and go, battles won and lost. but if you put enough elbow grease and authenticity into your life, you'll find a lot of your battles end up going your way.

aeroteq is a twitch streamer, but that'd be bastardizing the role they've had in my life.

in my teenage years, i was a rotten little shit. my only role model for being One Of The Dudes was a misogynistic, selfish asshole for a father and not much else. i had a lot of growing to do, but nowhere to learn from. as i limped into my 20's a depressed, evil little creature, i ended up on aero's build it, drift it, kill it videos - and eventually, their twitch streams. i don't really have a clear memory about how exactly i came to find him; that'd be the dissociative identity disorder doing its thing, trying to hide any memories that weren't immediately pertinent to my survival.

but at some point, i found myself part of their community. i learned how to drift virtual cars with intention, learned the physics behind it, and how the competitive formats work. i learned how to fuck with OBS to do some of the things aero was doing with their streams, and eventually gathered motivation to start streaming myself. that was back when i still had teeth. damn that's a while ago, huh.

the time kinda blurs together with memories like blurry photographs; single, imperfect frames of moments removed from context. i remember drifting something at Maple Valley on Forza 7, probably one of many private drifting lobbies aero set up. i remember practicing in my SN95 for their Outrun drift competition. i remember thinking it'd be nice to get just a little more seat time in a competitive environment to try and learn how to chase in a drift battle. that became the basis of Ante Up!, a very short-lived drift competition designed specifically to help new drifters get more seat time in competitive environments. i remember aero and a couple others stepping aside to help russ learn how to slide cars. i remember thinking, "this is exactly what i wanted out of this. and aero just made it happen without me even asking him for that kind of outreach and coaching. what a cool person."

i remember being pulled into ESDA to help them with commentary, and then with production. at that point, my brain had been in fight-or-flight survival mode for over two and a half decades, and it was starting to lose steam. those productions were extremely difficult for me and the high standards i'd given myself. i remember him completely forgoing his own pay for a season of ESDA to offer it to me. i remember letting them down a lot. i remember letting myself down a lot. i remember feeling so defeated and frustrated that i couldn't do what i used to be able to do.

i have the answers for that, these days. i was tired. really, really tired. in my late teens and early twenties, i spent most of my time at my friends' houses until midnight or later, coming back home when my dad was asleep, just to avoid interacting with him. after getting disconnected from that IRL friend group, i had nowhere to run. so my brain just kept running itself into the dirt trying to keep me alive and sane. by the time the ESDA production fell onto my shoulders, i was already very close to falling apart without realizing it.

and yet. after the messy self-discovery and recovery i've had to do since then, aero and their community still greet me when they see me in chat. i don't talk much anymore - sometimes it's because i don't have anything to add, but usually it's because my brain needs to overstimulate itself with livestreams, youtube videos, music and a video game all playing at the same time just to keep the flashbacks from happening. and they still greet me with a smile and a 'how are ya?'

aero showed me that i was capable of greatness. aero gave me the opportunities to punch above my weight class, and for a brief period of time, i did. in fact, i still am, just in different ways. at the moment, i'm fighting to save a queer non-profit from mismanagement that is putting the organization's existence in jeopardy. and i know i can do that because of all the other incredible things i've done, things i couldn't have shown myself as capable of doing without aero enabling me.

aero, without having been welcomed into your space, i would be a lesser, weaker person. i would be a lonely do-nothing burnout without a reason to live. in some alternate universes, i'd probably be dead. i know i've fucked up in the past, missed or been late to broadcasts, and probably acted weird in ways that concerned you. frankly, i was concerned, myself. and still, you didn't push me out of your community. you gave me space, and you were a role model i could look up to. somebody who went and got shit done, even when the going was tough. somebody who took chances on themself and took the bull by the horns, rather than cowering in a corner. i wouldn't have half the confidence i have now. because you showed me the results of determination and passion, i was able to mimic it. through it, i brought the queer community in my hometown together, in the middle of a highly terrifying location to do so. through it, i took the reigns of a gigantic, years-long fuck up at a non-profit org and started fixing it.

i know this seems unlikely. some of this inspiration and motivation to do good work came from within, and from sources other than yourself. but you are a piece of the big puzzle that made me a better person than i used to be, and i'm not the only one. i'm not perfect - nobody is - but i was much further from it when i was younger. i still have quite a ways to go. but i think it's healthy to take closer looks at how the people in our lives have changed us, especially for the better. oftentimes i find it really hard to focus on anything other than the negatives, on all the people who hurt me and left invisible scars on me. but when i think of the time i've spent with you, being in chat or working alongside you in the booth, you are a positive, through and through.

congratulations on your 162-day streamathon, aero. get some rest and relaxation.

oh, and you dropped this btw: 👑